letting go.

can GOD speak through fortune cookies?
most christians would say- no... they are the devil. haha. but i believe if you are willing to find God in anything... he can and will use anything in his creation to encourage us, confirm something... why not?? everything under the sun is his and will be ruled by Him again one day. so... instead of me seeing a "fortune" the other day, i saw something else. Let me explain.

Over the past few weeks I've found myself becoming more and more comfortable in this place that i am, satisfied with who i'm becoming... but something has been bothering me. I wasn't quite sure what it was until my good friend revealed more about me than i was initially willing to see. This is always hard isn't it?? When we are faced with yet another thing about ourselves that we find an unhealthy grip on. Over and over his words are to me let go Lindsey, let go. What exactly was he talking about? As i began to open my hands i began to see what was inside of that death grip. You see, sometimes we don't think we are holding on to anything because we can't see it, and the reason we can't see it is because our hands are so tightly closed around it. And sometimes it's just the simple fact of letting go of whatever it is that pleases the Lord. If we can't give it up, it takes priority over Him and ownership in our lives. This can be very bad... it can hold us back, keep us from living an abundant and free life.
So, again... i find it time to let go of what i want for myself. A big part of this was my heart desiring to be pursued and loved by a man. I felt that after I'd done this mission trip I'd be somewhat ready for love. I'd be mature enough to commit to a marriage, make financial decisions, start a business, raise a family... Isn't this what we are all called to do? Isn't this the next step in life?? Won't this make me happy? Those are all wonderful questions to ask... and the more i ask them, the more i get answers i don't particularly like. But, the more i continue to seek and ask, the less it hurts and the more i discover my destiny in all of this. You see... Most of us grow up believing there is a certain order to things in life. And accomplishment of these things is of great success, preferrably if they come in that order. As a 28 year old, and by america's standards, i should be married... have a good job... and at least thinking about having kids. Don't get me wrong, i strongly desire to be married and have children... and i deeply desire true love. Probably more so than others, bc i've found myself at this place of having everything i need but that. Meaning, I've lived a full life already... i've grown, i've matured... i've taken care of all or most of my issues. So naturally, the thing that's left, the thing that's missing is ... well, love. Since i've been home i've gladly welcomed any prospects. Hmmm, ok, well, where are they? Haha. Along the way... toward the next phase of my life, i've had one eye on the Lord... and one eye searching for that love. I discovered something about myself during this time. That being married... having children... etc, is not Gods destiny for my life. His destiny is found in the pursuit of Him... the complete abandonment of our own plan in exchange for his- an abundant life. And then, he may or may not bring that love along. But i see that my focus should be on Him first. Sure it will be harder this way... and a lot more risky, but i'd rather know for a fact that things are in his hands... and are happening according to his time table, not mine. I used to be frightened that i'd be the last to be married... but now i'm excited bc all of Gods greatest gifts are around the next corner. I believe that me letting go is not saying that it will be 10 years before i get married and have children... no, i believe that in letting go.. i'm taking my eyes off the world again, putting them on him, and when he so desires (maybe tomorrow, 6 months... who knows?) then, i'll be completely madly in love with the person he puts in my life and i'll know without a shadow of a doubt that He is the one i'll love forever.
No man's land between two countries is probably the most difficult place in one's life. You know what you are leaving behind... and your trying to have faith that what's ahead is better than what you've left. He's constantly asking us to let go with the faith that whatever He has for us is better than we couldve ever imagined. A lot of people stay in "Bangladesh", afraid to let go of what they know... even though it is sometimes the hardest place they could possibly be in. They take stock in what they are familiar with... because they are comfortable. What they can not see from here, is a whole land waiting for them on the other side of the border if they would just take the steps of faith needed to cross. Fear can hold us back...fear of the unknown. If you only knew what God had for you on the other side, you'd give everything up in a heartbeat. But instead we hold on to what we know... and in turn our deepest hearts desires are crushed. Part of us dies. We live our lives settling for what we understand and never grow... It's time for me now. The pressure's been building once again, the sign's are all pointing... and today a little slip of paper inside my cookie so wisely stated:

FRONT:Today is the day you let it go. Your chance will come.
BACK:learn chinese- boyfriend

This is what i've realized... if we keep letting go, and giving up our will our chance will come. Simple as that. It's not our place to make our chance reality, we continue seeking His face and let Him bring to us what He wants at the proper time without an expectation other than Him providing for our needs. Who knew that God could speak through little chinese cookies?